I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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