I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
