I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize