I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This couple is walking their pig around campus
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
