Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
