No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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