No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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