Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
