you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
