She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
