***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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