i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it hurts more in the daytime
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
