you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
