I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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