Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
