i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
