Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
