isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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