Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
