You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
