The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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