I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
