You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize