I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
