he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
