New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
