What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
