I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize