You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
