You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
