And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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