he thought i was a dude.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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