She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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