Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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