Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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