So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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