i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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