There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
