Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
