he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
