uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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