I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
