That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize