Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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