At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
