so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
