This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
