the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
