the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize