So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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