what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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