So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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