Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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