I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
