can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
