you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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