I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
