While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
