he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
