Only a mothe r could love this liver
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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