is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Houston, we have a squirter
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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