I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
