Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
