i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
