in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
