I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
